Our men get a little down sometimes. Think about it.  Most of them work all day, are under-appreciated at work and after the kids likely don’t get as much bedroom action as they’d like.  Besides that, every person goes through ups and downs. Just like you may feel less like of a hot mama, he’s probably feeling less like of a stud too.  As Kindred the Family Soul says sometimes you need to at least feel like you’re far away from here.  Here are some tidbits on how to get him in that space where he’s feeling, living and loving like a real man!

1. Ask for cash to go shopping

Now I know you might not think so. But, when you’ve accidentally (wink, wink) misplaced your debit card and have to ask him for cash to do the shopping he gets a kick out of it.  Men at their core are providers.  They like to see you in a position where you need something from them.  Now ladies that doesn’t mean he wants you to bring out your inner gold-digger.  It just means every once in a while ask him to give you a couple of dollars.  It will likely be followed-up by some playful banter (my hubby always asks: what you willing to do for them dollars).  Ultimately though, it puts him in a position of power and gets his manly juices flowing.

2. Be the damsel in distress sometimes

This should be easy ladies. You need a light bulb screwed in.  You just can’t seem to get this top off the spaghetti jar.  Or, this grocery bag is just too heavy to carry in the house.  Let him know that he is the king of his castle, and there are just some things around the house that only he is capable of handling.  Remember, there’s good complaining and then there’s bad complaining.  Bad complaining is my wife is cheating on me and I don’t know what to do.  Good complaining is here she goes again with this gardening stuff.  That type of complaining makes or breaks your life.

3. Paint a wall together

When Mack and I painted our first room, boy I thought I was bad.  That is until, I saw him in action.  He was way better than I was at it.  And, I watched how confident it made him.  The color transformation solidified in him that the living room is his room.  He did dat!  Doing an exciting household project spices up the look of your home, but also makes your man put his chest out a little more.  Everyday after corporate America, the barbershop or his roofing clients kick his butt, he can sit in a room that he created.  Now that will make him feel powerful.

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4. Watch the Game with Him

Now I cannot speak on a personal note about this one. I’m still mustering up the courage to sit through an entire four quarters of any sport. But, I’ve heard from girlfriends that it does work.  By doing something with him that he enjoys you solidify inside him that he’s worth your time.  Just like women struggle with their self-worth, men do too.  Most little boys are told they shouldn’t cry, or wear their hearts on their sleeves and need to have a tough exterior at all time.  While this may shield them from disappointment and hurt feeling in the adult world, deep down it may have made him feel his emotions and needs are not valid. So, put on some cute shorts and one of his jerseys and watch the game.  And, don’t forget to let me know how that works out.

In short ladies, give him a reason to smack you on the behind.  Men love that and for some reason it does something for their confidence.  In my 7 years of marriage, my experience has been that the more I give him things to do and reward him for his good behavior, the more he feels like the man of the house. Just remove the bitch tone, and replace it with a little of Phaedra Parks’ southern, graceful draw.  You get more bees with honey than you do with _____.

 


Muffy Mendoza

Hello. Welcome to BrownMamas.com a blog for Black moms looking to thrive while raising kids in this hectic world and the headquarters for Pittsburgh Brown Mamas, a Pittsburgh support group for Black moms. Here I write about raising my three boys, living in and loving Pittsburgh, dating my husband, gardening and all kinds of other stuff. Thanks for visiting. Stay long & come often!

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