I remember my days of single motherhood very vividly.  The cold bus rides, enjoyable first baby moments spent alone and the endless nights where I wished I had a mate to share them with.  While I also had some great moments as a single mom, like  graduating from college with baby boy in tow, I often wonder now as a married woman what my life would have been like if only my son’s father would have been raised to understand that children come first and that parenthood is what we live for.

I think you can do both.  You can raise a successful man who also puts premium value on family.  However, at this present moment, I’m with Beyonce in asking,

Why do we teach girls to aspire to marriage and we don’t teach boys the same?

You wake up Flawless, post-up Flawless.  Okay, I had to jam for a minute.  But, it’s true. My mother always says, women want a man to love them and provide for them, but the first chance they get they’re telling their sons, “Watch out for those girls,” or “Don’t give those girls all your money.” And, its true.  I had moms give me the side-eye, despite having always been marriage material.  (Yes, I’m tooting my own horn) I’ve witnessed mothers straight tell their sons that girls are smart and scandalous and not to trust them.  But, in the same breath they make their sons pledge utter allegiance to wear a suit, drive a BMW and become a foot soldier for some Fortune 500 Company and pledge no allegiance to the very communities and women that raised and nurtured them.  To that I say, “All naw, Hell naw!”

Black women go to work daily with women of other ethnicity who get to take vacations to the Bahamas every summer, take sick days to play in their gardens and have a flock of children who are guaranteed a college education because they come from a two parent, two-income, two-,minded household.  It’s time Black women got that same respect and leeway.  That’s why I am taking the Good Daddy pledge that says even if my sons are full-time managers at Walgrees they will be good fathers and good husbands.  You know why? Because my sistahs deserve it!

Every Black woman deserves a good black man.  I know that, so I’m raising my sons to be smart and family-conscious.  That means they will understand that success is not success unless it comes with a wife and at least two children.  

It’s time we stopped focusing on the American dream and began focusing on the African-American Dream.  The African-American Dream, in my mind, says even if we live in a two-bedroom apartment, we do it together.  Even if we ain’t got to nickels to rub together and five children to take care of with the two nickels, we do it together. Period. Point. No Blank.  We do it together!

Can our sons be CEOs, ABSOLUTELY!!! They are highly intelligent, highly motivated and highly favored.  But, what good is it to be President of a company and not have a beautiful sistah to come home to.  It means nothing.  So, I want my three boys to understand that being a successful man equates loving a Black woman, raising up socially and economically conscious children and nurturing the African-American Dream.

Read More Beyonce:

Beyonce’s 3 Ways to Upgrade Your Man


Cynthia Mendoza

Hello. Welcome to BrownMamas.com a blog for Black moms looking to thrive while raising kids in this hectic world and the headquarters for Pittsburgh Brown Mamas, a Pittsburgh support group for Black moms. Here I write about raising my three boys, living in and loving Pittsburgh, dating my husband, gardening and all kinds of other stuff. Thanks for visiting. Stay long & come often!

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