1. When did you become a mom and how did it feel?

I’d already had three miscarriages, and we were right in the middle of beginning the adoption process when I found out I was pregnant with Avery.  We’d gone through treatments and so many disappointments that truthfully when I first found out I was going to be a mom I was scared to death.  I’d already resigned myself to the idea that I might not be able to have any biological children.  So, I spent a lot of time during my 9 months afraid of losing her.  I hid my pregnancy.  People at my church didn’t even know until I was like 8 months along because I was so afraid to tell anyone.

Avery, 1

Avery, 1

2. What’s the difference in how you feel now about motherhood compared to how you felt at the beginning?

I’m not gonna lie during those first weeks I was still scared.  I was like, “Am I going to make it through this? Can I survive?”  But now, everyday I progressively get into a routine with my 16-month-old, and it’s the best thing every!  I can’t imagine life without her.  I surprise myself in those moments when she’s having a full-scale meltdown and I’m calm and I understand her.  I get that this is how she expresses her emotions and its my job to model for her how she is supposed to express those emotions, eventually. Now I know that God’s mercies are new every morning.  Yes, I will survive this!

 

3.  What advice would you give to other moms?

I would tell moms that we can make plans all we want, but that God has a plan of his own.  When I was pregnant, I had a doula, a birth plan and planned to have those first moments of skin-to-skin contact with my baby.  I thought I had it all figured out.  But, two days before I found out Avery was breach and I had to have a C-section.  Yes it’s great to have plans, but you have to learn to go with the flow when you have kids.

4. What does your ideal mommy-friend look like?

A friend that listens to me without judgement and can give me advice .  I want someone to laugh with and cry with.  And most of all, that’s the kind of mommy-friend I want to be to someone else.


Muffy Mendoza

Hello. Welcome to BrownMamas.com a blog for Black moms looking to thrive while raising kids in this hectic world and the headquarters for Pittsburgh Brown Mamas, a Pittsburgh support group for Black moms. Here I write about raising my three boys, living in and loving Pittsburgh, dating my husband, gardening and all kinds of other stuff. Thanks for visiting. Stay long & come often!

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