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There’s nothing more rewarding in life than having children. Once you give birth, your world completely changes. Your worries shift, your schedule is thrown for a loop, and your relationship with your partner inevitably suffers. No longer will you and your mate be able to spend every spare moment together as your little ones require all of your attention.

The idea of spending a quiet night in is a thing of the past and going out will seem more like a chore than a treat. However, all is not lost when it comes to romance post babies. With a little work and patience, you and your significant other can retain the intimacy you once shared before you became parents. Here are a few tips to rekindle your love life and bring the spice back to your relationship.

Make Time for Momma

While this may seem counterproductive, making time for yourself is vital to maintaining a healthy relationship with your partner. This is particularly true when you’re growing your family. Being a parent demands all of your time and can quickly drain you, a feeling that is detrimental to your physical health and your psyche. Because you’re constantly on the go, you begin to feel like you’re running on empty. This can cause you to have less patience, make you more stressed, and can even lead to depression.

Therefore, it’s important to put yourself first from time to time. Spend any extra moments you have doing something relaxing or personally fulfilling. Practice yoga, take up a new hobby, or go to a quiet place and bask in your time alone. This recharge will keep you in a more positive frame of mind and help reduce your stress, making you less likely to take your frustrations out on your family—especially your partner.

Stay In Tune with Your Partner’s Needs

Because you spend so much of time focusing on the needs of your children, you may neglect those of your mate. Whether they are sexual or purely emotional, our needs fall by the wayside once wee ones enter the picture. Remember that your partner needs love and affection just like your children do. Compliment your significant other and show your appreciation when he or she does something nice or helpful for you.

Make sure that you also maintain a clear line of communication as it’s one of the best ways to deepen a relationship. Remember to check in with your significant other every day and not just to discuss work or the kids. Use this daily exchange to talk about your relationship, feelings, and other personal issues. Always express your love and gratitude for your partner, and try to end the conversation on a positive note.

Don’t Forget Sex

Of course, we can’t overlook the importance of sex in maintaining a healthy relationship. After having children, your sex drive may have diminished. However, this doesn’t mean you no longer desire your partner or have lost your sexual needs. In fact, women’s sexual wants aren’t that different from men’s, according to statistics from Adam and Eve. Most likely you just need a sexual reboot, which means reconnecting with your mate in the bedroom.

Start by examining what things have changed in your physical relationship with your partner. Perhaps because of your new priorities you’ve both neglected maintaining your appearance like you had in the past. Think about what you used to do to turn each other on. This could means an intimate dinner for two or wearing something special in the boudoir.

Look into ways to recapture that childless period in your relationship. Take an art class together, join a kickball team geared to parents, or make a pact to have a special date night at least a few times a month. Make sure you attempt to look your best whenever possible, even if it’s something as simple as brushing your or getting a manicure every now and then.

By doing these small things, you and your partner will have an easier time re-sparking the passion and sexual intimacy you had prior to parenthood.


Muffy Mendoza

Hello. Welcome to BrownMamas.com a blog for Black moms looking to thrive while raising kids in this hectic world and the headquarters for Pittsburgh Brown Mamas, a Pittsburgh support group for Black moms. Here I write about raising my three boys, living in and loving Pittsburgh, dating my husband, gardening and all kinds of other stuff. Thanks for visiting. Stay long & come often!

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