Riding in my car is probably the only consistent me-time that I get.  With 3 kids,  my ride time is my opportunity to take a breather and also gives me time to act out something like a fantasy.  My husband brought a new car last year, and lately he’s been letting me drive what we refer to as the “Mach 5” because our 2010 Nissan Altima drives smooth, has the best subwoofers I’ve ever heard and makes me feel like a million bucks.  During my time in the car I play everything from Jill Scott to Aerosmith, but nothing makes me feel better than some Jay-Z, Kendrick Lamar mixed with a little bit of the old DipSet album.

listenmusic1When I was a kid we still watched videos, and MTV/BET still played them.  So, there is always a part of me that feels sexiest when I imagine myself as a video vixen. (Don’t judge me!)  Now, I’m not saying I wanna be Superhead, but what I am saying is that when that base kicks in and Jay-Z says “Hov is Back,” I allow myself to live the fantasy.  With my hair blowing in the wind and my system bumpin’ as I speed up I-376, I feel like Beyonce/Melissa Ford/Rihanna all rolled up in one, and I LOVE IT! — and he loves it too.

I will admit to being a bit of a prude.  Sometimes I feel like there is just too much going on.  I get up early in the morning every day and I usually don’t go back to bed until after 10 p.m.  Trying to “do it” at night with smooth R&B will swoon me right to sleep.  So, my husband and I needed something to spice things up and boy did this work.  In addition to common values and respect, my husband and I originally connected over our love of music.  We both love rap, hip-hop (whatever you call it) music.  When we met at Penn State we would sit up at night and listen to Busta Rhymes “Anarchy” album over and over. Needless to say late nights and music are no stranger to us.  So this playlist helped us to rekindle the connection we already had.  Here’s our late-night play-by-play:

  1.  Jay-Z, Feelin It, Reasonable Doubt
  2. Kendrick Lamar, Poetic Justice, Good Kid, MAAD City
  3. The Diplomats, DipSet Anthem, Diplomatic Immunity
  4. The Roots ft. Erykah Badu & Eve, You Got Me
  5. Method Man & Mary J. Blige, All I Need
  6. Sean Paul ft. Sasha, I’m Still In Love With You

Here’s a little something to get you started:


More Relationship Advice:

What to Do When Your Man Looses His Job

How to Save Your Relationship

The Best Gift My Husband Every Gave Me

Raising Boys

black intimacyblack loveintimacy and African Americansrap music and sexspice up sex life

Muffy MendozaAuthor posts

Muffy Mendoza is an author, speaker and founder of Pittsburgh Brown Mamas, a support group for nearly 4,000 African-American moms in the Pittsburgh region. To further fill the void Muffy has created a line of educational products focused on helping Black moms be the best moms, too. Her first book, The Brown Mama Mindset: A Blueprint for Black Moms on Life, Love & Home, was featured at the 2018 Essence Festival and is currently sold in various cities across the U.S. Muffy champions the beauty of Black motherhood everywhere she goes, even on the TEDx stage. Find out more about Muffy on muffymendoza.com.


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