1. When did you become a mom and how did it feel?

I’d already had three miscarriages, and we were right in the middle of beginning the adoption process when I found out I was pregnant with Avery.  We’d gone through treatments and so many disappointments that truthfully when I first found out I was going to be a mom I was scared to death.  I’d already resigned myself to the idea that I might not be able to have any biological children.  So, I spent a lot of time during my 9 months afraid of losing her.  I hid my pregnancy.  People at my church didn’t even know until I was like 8 months along because I was so afraid to tell anyone.

Avery, 1

Avery, 1

2. What’s the difference in how you feel now about motherhood compared to how you felt at the beginning?

I’m not gonna lie during those first weeks I was still scared.  I was like, “Am I going to make it through this? Can I survive?”  But now, everyday I progressively get into a routine with my 16-month-old, and it’s the best thing every!  I can’t imagine life without her.  I surprise myself in those moments when she’s having a full-scale meltdown and I’m calm and I understand her.  I get that this is how she expresses her emotions and its my job to model for her how she is supposed to express those emotions, eventually. Now I know that God’s mercies are new every morning.  Yes, I will survive this!

 

3.  What advice would you give to other moms?

I would tell moms that we can make plans all we want, but that God has a plan of his own.  When I was pregnant, I had a doula, a birth plan and planned to have those first moments of skin-to-skin contact with my baby.  I thought I had it all figured out.  But, two days before I found out Avery was breach and I had to have a C-section.  Yes it’s great to have plans, but you have to learn to go with the flow when you have kids.

4. What does your ideal mommy-friend look like?

A friend that listens to me without judgement and can give me advice .  I want someone to laugh with and cry with.  And most of all, that’s the kind of mommy-friend I want to be to someone else.

#GoodMama

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Muffy MendozaAuthor posts

Muffy Mendoza is an author, speaker and founder of Pittsburgh Brown Mamas, a support group for nearly 4,000 African-American moms in the Pittsburgh region. To further fill the void Muffy has created a line of educational products focused on helping Black moms be the best moms, too. Her first book, The Brown Mama Mindset: A Blueprint for Black Moms on Life, Love & Home, was featured at the 2018 Essence Festival and is currently sold in various cities across the U.S. Muffy champions the beauty of Black motherhood everywhere she goes, even on the TEDx stage. Find out more about Muffy on muffymendoza.com.

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