The research still shows that our parents were wrong - spanking is bad for kids
I think instinctively we all know spanking is wrong.Some where deep down we know that hitting, slapping, popping, whooping, or smacking our child until they cry cannot be right. But it's the default disciplinary technique in the black community because, paradoxically, we think it's a way to protect our children. A new study, however, has confirmed again that we need to find another way do discipline our children.
"We found there were impacts not just on the behavioral development that folks normally look at, but also on markers of cognitive development, like the verbal capacity of the child," MacKenzie, an associate professor at the Columbia University School of Social Work in New York, told HealthDay. "These effects are long-lasting. They aren't just short-term problems that wash out over time. And the effects were stronger for those who were spanked more than twice a week." More here.....
Despite the findings of this study and the many others before it, some of us will still be loathed to try another option. I've often thought there were two reason for our resistance. First, I think for some of us, rejecting spanking as a punishment means that we are admitting that how we were disciplined was wrong. You hear it in the rationalization, "But, but I was spanked and I turned out fine!" But the studies just do not bear this out.
Secondly, I think spanking can become a default because of a fear of the unknown. For those of you who want to choose another option, there is a fear that if you don't spank that you run the risk of having some bad a** kids who will embarrass you now and end up criminals later.
The "Love and Logic" approach
For those of you who spank to show allegiance to your parents, I suggest some soul searching or therapy. For the others who are interested in another way of parenting, I'm here to tell you that it is possible to have well behaved children without hitting, slapping, popping, whooping, or smacking. My sister and I use Love and Logic on our boys -- her's a twelve and mine a 5 year-old and both of them are good listeners, polite, and respectful yet they are not spanked.
What is the"Love and Logic" position on spanking?
1. There is no need for spanking.
2. Spanking is counterproductive. It makes the adult into the "bad guy" instead of the bad decision becoming the culprit.
3. Love and Logic techniques are far more powerful than spanking.
4. Most kids would much rather have a spanking than have their parents use Love and Logic techniques such as delaying the consequence while the parent thinks over the problem, develops a clear head and then locks in the empathy before telling the child what the consequence will be.
5. Since we now have such better techniques, why even consider, or waste our time with, spanking?
6. A considerable amount of solid research is now available indicating the harmful, counterproductive results of using spanking as a disciplinary tool. More here.....
So how would the Love and Logic approach work in place of spanking? Well, stay tuned....
Yardyspice
For more "Love and Logic" tips, follow me to Blackmothering.com