So, maybe you just had a baby.  Maybe you’ve outgrown some of your friends.  Maybe you just got married, and need to find other couples to relate to.  Regardless of what the reason is, everyone needs good friends.  But depending on your stage in life, and your track record, you may not be sending the right signals.  Her are some characteristics most of us mamas admire in a good friend.

  1. Aspire to Predictability

As much as everyone says they enjoy spontaneity and life on the edge, in friendship everyone loves a friends who is predictable.  Meaning, when you say you’re going to be there, be there.  Human relationships are not nearly as complex as we think.  People love commitment and consistency.  That also means, don’t over commit.  If you know you can’t be at your girlfriend’s grand opening, don’t tell her you’ll be late, but might be there.  Just tell her, “I love you and I wish I could, but my son has his last football game of the season that day and I can’t miss it.  But, what can I do leading up to the even to support you.”  That’s a keeper.

  1. Make it Safe to Speak Up

Nothing is worse than having a friend you can’t be yourself around.  We’ve all had them, friends who cut you off whenever you’re hinting at the truth, or who don’t call you after you’ve told them the truth.  Instead, show your friend you value their opinion, even if you don’t agree with it.  When a friendship is new, most women are not their full selves, and the relationship usually ends when one person ‘slips up’ and shows or says who they really are.  Avert those instances by being what your mama always said you should be: Yourself!

  1. Never Lie or Hide the Truth

This is tied very closely to #2.  If you have a friend you feel like you have to hide the truth from, you need to re-evaluate the energy in that relationship.  All friendships are built on trust.  So, by offering a possible companion the ability to trust what you say and do, you are heading down the right path.  Honesty just feels good.  If you don’t feel like you can tell your friend the truth, it’s hitting at one of two things: an insecurity about the relationship, or a sign it’s not safe to speak up in your relationship.   The more you are honest with one another, the more you feel worthy of each other’s truth.


Cynthia Mendoza

Hello. Welcome to BrownMamas.com a blog for Black moms looking to thrive while raising kids in this hectic world and the headquarters for Pittsburgh Brown Mamas, a Pittsburgh support group for Black moms. Here I write about raising my three boys, living in and loving Pittsburgh, dating my husband, gardening and all kinds of other stuff. Thanks for visiting. Stay long & come often!

1 thought on “Need More Girlfriends? 3 Tips to Attract Great Friendships”

Baby Teems . February 4, 2015 at 6:37 pm

Commitment and consistency is so important to me in a friendship.

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