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Story Two: Awakening to My Center by Amy
Affirmation: I love myself from the inside out.
If I let this heartbreak run its natural course, there was no telling how long it would take me to rebound from this mess. Previously, I was happy to ignore mild disrespect. It was within my comfort zone. Up to this point there were many red flags but rather than confront them and create conflict, I went along. I was silly because I wanted to stay in this relationship more than I wanted to receive what I needed from a companion; and hell, what I needed for myself. It seemed that I was willing to sacrifice all those things in order to keep the status quo. Why was I so attached? Why was I not willing to simply walk away and find someone who would honor me?
It was because I’d been unconsciously acting out these self-sabotaging patterns and behaviors for years. I hadn’t recognized how the shadows of these behaviors loomed, and how deeply ingrained in me they were. The pain was so piercing that it felt like my heart was broken into smithereens. So small, so sharp. The shards shattered the deafening actions I was once able to ignore. This time, my reaction was different. This time I recognized the pain for what it was; something I never wanted to feel again.
The relationship was over the moment I saw the photo of the two of them posing with his seed in her womb; however, taking a stand for my self-respect was uncharted territory for me. This would be the first step in the direction of my healing journey.
I needed answers. I was ready to take responsibility for my actions and I needed to know how my behavior contributed to repeating the same cycle of victimhood year after year. I needed to get conscious of my patterns and grow. I started looking within. I meditated. It was a slow process to begin with but with the support of a mentor and group online I was able to become consistent within my practice. Eventually my meditation practice had grown, and so too had my love for myself. I started to see how not honoring my personal needs and putting them last led to me putting myself in a vulnerable position.
Moreover, something inside me was awakening. I was beginning to return the energy that I had spent looking for acceptance outside myself, back into myself. That was an act of love. The more time I spent with myself in meditation I was getting to know myself and developing a relationship with myself. I became a woman who; because of the new standard I was creating within my self-relationship, felt worthy of receiving that love & respect in my other relationships as well. This was my enlightenment. Through meditation, I found new ways to love my whole self, even in the shadowy places where I hadn’t even realized I wasn’t.
Meditation led me to my center then, and it continues to keep leading me back to it now. The lessons I learned had shown up previously in my life prior to me heeding these messages and it would have shown up again & again if I hadn’t reflected on them when I did. I am happy now for everything that transpired because I am much more self aware and whole because of it. The experience was my destiny which transformed me into the healer who I’ve become today. If I had it to live all over again I wouldn’t change a thing.
The most important lessons I learned through this experience were that I had patterns of giving away my power and not standing up for myself. I was not in touch with my sense of worth and my inner child had many wounds that needed to be healed. It was through meditation that I was able to connect with my inner self and develop healthier levels of self-love so that I felt worthy. These lessons were life altering and I knew that many other women needed to learn them as well.
I started my business One Centered Life back in 2016 to help women address similar needs. Today, through a variety of techniques including meditation, breathwork, yoga and more, I help women on a spiritual journey, to heal, find their true selves and reclaim their power.
I hold space for women on this journey and lead daily interactive meditations in a free Facebook group I administer with 2 other women. If you have been curious about meditation or in need of the healing powers of self discovery, join me in the group so we can support you along your path.
For more information on the healing power of meditation, and other coaching services I offer subscribe to my Youtube channel and check out my website.
Facebook Meditation Group: http://bit.ly/fbmeditationgroup
Free diapers for Pittsburgh, Cleveland, Philadelphia area moms – https://newvoicesrj.org/coronavirus/
Mindful Brown Mamas’ Tidal Playlist https://tidal.com/playlist/292de561-b58d-4689-9bde-5d893cd97727
Black Zen’s Guide to Wellness (includes a podcast, articles and guided meditation) https://www.blackzen.co/