by Muffy Mendoza
Tags: #goodmama
black families Pittsburgh
black moms pittsburgh
brown mamas
pittsburgh brown mamas
Kamila is one of the courageous moms who stepped up to the challenge of the #GoodMama campaign and is sharing her mothering journey with the world. Having recently dropped her oldest son off at college, she has reached a milestone that, I’m sure, at one time seemed impossible. Kamila’s story goes to show that when moms follow their intuitions, think things through and always lead through the lessons of the Creator, all things are possible. Introducing #GoodMama Kamila!
1. What makes you a #GoodMama?
Someone once told me that if you are always worrying about whether you are a bad mom or not then you’re probably a good mom. (J) I love my children and I am in constant worry, thought, and prayer that I have done, am doing, and will do the best I can for them in an effort to bring forth productive, responsible, God fearing people. That is what makes me a #goodmama.
Kamila and son, Jayzon (11)
2. How have your feelings about motherhood changed since you first became a mom?
When I first became a mom I was 17 years old. I thought everything was going to go exactly how my naive 17-year-old mind mapped it out. I figured that raising a child was about loving them and making sure they are clean and fed. What a fairy tale! I have since come to understand and have a profound respect and appreciation for being giving the opportunity to raise 3 beautiful people. I have grown to know that being a mom is the single most important gift, responsibility, and honor that a woman could ever be given. How elated I am to experience the journey of motherhood. It is the most awesome experience I believe I could have in this lifetime.
3. What advice would you give to a new mom?
For a new mom I would advise her to not sweat the small stuff. Children do not come with instructions. Trust your gut! We must do the best we can with what we have and when that does not work then we research what else we can do. Do that which is in your power and before, after, and in between all of that…. pray.
Kamila’s son & daughter, Jazyon (11) & Dajha (18)
4. What would America be surprised to know about Black mothers?
For me this is a difficult question. I have only ever been an African-American mother so I can’t really compare and contrast my experience from someone else’s experience.
In my observation of the way we do things as African-American mothers, I will say that for the most part we still believe in the practice of “it takes a village to raise a child.” We aren’t any different than anyone else in the way that we love and nurture our children. We seem to have more of a struggle as it relates to building self esteem in our children and building self worth because we come from a history of being told that we are not worth as much as the next person. We have a responsibility to our children to teach them that they come from Kings and Queens who have contributed just as much and maybe even more so than the next person. We have to continually teach our children to be proud of who they are and what/where they come from.
Kamila’s oldest son, Donnie (18)
5. Name one of your proudest mommy moments.
To date, my proudest mommy moment is the day I dropped my eldest son off at college. It was an awesome experience to see him walk across the stage at his high school graduation but there was just something about the feeling of releasing him in to the world to become his own person, a man and to know that I was confident in knowing that whatever happened from that moment on I could trust that he would make good decisions and learn from the bad ones. My first thought was “Where did the time go” and then I had such an overwhelming sense of pride. I felt as if I did my job and the rest was up to him. I was at peace.
6. What is the No. 1 lesson you have learned from motherhood?
The number one lesson that I have learned from motherhood is one that I am actually in the process of learning and accepting now. I have learned that we must lay a good solid foundation for our children early. Train them up in the way that we would have them to go. While they will grow and become their own people, make their own mistakes, and learn their own life lessons if we have built a solid foundation they will come back to that. What I’m saying is we all have this picture perfect idea of how our child/children will grow up and that they are going to be wonderful people ie: doctors, lawyers, teachers, etc. well rounded individuals that we can all be proud of and brag to our friends and family about. The reality of the situation is that someone has to be the janitor, the bus driver, the underachiever, even the serial killer, or the drug dealer, the rapist, the liar whatever. Those persons have mothers who had the same dreams as any of us as it relates to our children and the dreams WE have for how their lives should turn out to be. We cannot make them be anything we want them to be. All we can do is again, build a strong foundation from the beginning, show them love, discipline and respect and never, never, ever stop praying.