All couples have intimacy issues as they grow and marriage. Getting married is easy.  Staying a couple is hard.  In any relationship, the way you express your love to one another changes as the two people in it grow and mature. That’s why the way you show your mate you care and love them MUST change over-time as well.

Couples having intimacy issues need to understand that intimacy with your spouse should be characterized by spending time with one another, understanding the physical and spiritual needs of your partner and the depth of your connectivity with your spouse.  NOT, just sexuality.  Being able to only express the love you have with your mate through sex is a sign of emotional and intellectual immaturity.

A couples calendar is a great way to create a mature love relationship that feeds each member of the relationship physically, emotionally and intellectually.

 

Gentle Monday

It’s Monday, and if you follow this calendar through until Sunday, Monday should be a day of rest and love expressed gently.  On Monday’s try giving your spouse some space while still letting him/her know you love them. Small kisses in passing, pats on the butt or just a sweet email are ways to express your constant feelings of fondness for your mate on Mondays.  Many times intimacy issues stem from sexual urges that are too extremely expressed and a lack of these types of behaviors.  On Monday be gentle, be kind and show that you care about your mate even without making love.

 

Teach Me Tuesday

By Tuesday, one part of the relationship may be yearning for physical intimacy.  But, Tuesday is not the day for it. Teach Me Tuesday are all about intellectual arousal.  Rather than rushing toward sex, let’s try some mental four play.  Women and men a like love being taught something new.  On Tuesday cook a meal together, watch a TV show that neither of you has ever seen, or brainstorm a business strategy. The BIG day is on the horizon, so let’s give each other something to look forward to and solidify the fact that your relationship is not just physical. The love you have for one another is spiritual, intellectual and karmic.

 

Quickie Wednesday

Wednesday is the day for physical activity.  But, this isn’t the day to put it all on the table.  Just give him/her a quickie.  There’s nothing wrong with that.  You are going to be changing your intimacy routine with this new intimacy calendar, but you’ve got to keep the stirrings at bay.  A quickie in the closet, at bed time or after morning coffee will keep you mate satisfied and will provide a tangible reward for being so engaged during Teach Me Tuesday.

 

Preparation Thursday

Today is the day to get ready for the plethora of opportunities for physical intimacy that will undoubtedly be available this weekend.  Get a pedicure.  Go to the barbershop.  Buy some new cologne and manicure your ‘hot spot’ (lol).  Thursdays are all about letting your mate know that pleasing them physically is important to you.  It is so important that you are willing to prepare for it.

 

Let if Flow Friday

Go somewhere.  Do something.  If the night has a happy ending, let it flow.  On Fridays get out of the focus on sex. Instead continue to give gentle love to your mate through kissing, rubbing and paying attention.  If happens, let it happen.  Pleasing your mate physically is about meshing energies and allowing those energies to manifest in a way that is most physically pleasing to the both of you.

 

Saturday

Pull out all the stops on Saturday.  Lingerie, satin sheets and sensual massage oils should all be a part of your Saturday lovemaking.  This is the day to let your spouse know that you are in this thing to win this thing.  You’ve got all day, so why not make it count.

 

Spirit-filled Sunday

Americans have a tendency to believe that spirituality is all about going to church, wearing big hats, kneeling to pray for 2 hours every other day.  While some of those things can certainly characterize your spirit experience, but they do not totally encompass it.  More importantly, physical intimacy should be a spiritual act.  It should be a process by which two people are merging their higher energies to reach a climax of pleasure.  Try that on Sunday.  Read a book together, listen to a pastor, positive public speaker or philosopher and talk about it.  Engage with one another on a spiritual level and let that guide your sexual experience.

Well I hope that helps.  Remember that if you are having intimacy issues, it’s likely not about the physicality of the act, but can likely point toward a relationship deficiency in other areas.  Think about how you can solve those issues before trying to improve your sex-life.  You cannot separate the varying parts of your humanity.  They are all one and therefore are affected by one another.

 

Read more on Relationships:

3 Ways to Make Me-Time into We-Time

4 Tips to Keep You & Your Man on the Same Financial Page

Ready for the Fight to End? 4 Argument Icebreakers for Couples

4 Ways to Trick Your Man into Losing Weight

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Cynthia Mendoza

Hello. Welcome to BrownMamas.com a blog for Black moms looking to thrive while raising kids in this hectic world and the headquarters for Pittsburgh Brown Mamas, a Pittsburgh support group for Black moms. Here I write about raising my three boys, living in and loving Pittsburgh, dating my husband, gardening and all kinds of other stuff. Thanks for visiting. Stay long & come often!

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