I remember when I was growing up and I brought home one of my first best friends.  For security sake we will call her Samantha.  Samantha was a hot girl, or hoe, if you prefer.  At the time I didn’t know that, I just thought Samantha was cool and I wanted to be cool.  With that objective, Samantha and I became friends.  Samantha was always in trouble, and when I brought her home after hanging out at the mall one afternoon my mother smelled it on her.  Little did I know my mom went on a one-woman mission to stop Samantha and I from being friends.  With a few schedule changes, the use of her hawk eye and some well calculated moves, my friendship with Samantha only lasted one summer.  Here’s how my mama did it:

1. Go Green & Plant a Seed

My mother just came out and told me that Samantha was a “hot girl” and gave her famous line.

Birds of a feather flock together.

She didn’t give me a speech or tell me I couldn’t be friends with Samantha.  She just helped me look for clues.  As much as I didn’t want to admit it, Samantha did sleep around.  The closer we became the more I noticed people lumping me together with her, and I didn’t like that. The words my mother said reverberated through my mind every time someone talked about Samantha in that way. I started asking myself if everyone was talking about me that way.

2. Play the Drop-off & Pick-up Game

Make sure you show the new Bestie that there is not much your child can get away with.  When I was friends with Samantha, I stayed on punishment.  My mom picked us up and dropped us off everywhere.  So she instinctively knew when I was up to no good.  By doing it this way, I was always in trouble for my own actions, not Samantha’s bestfriends4bad behavior.  So while I knew my mom didn’t like Samantha, it never seemed I was in trouble for hanging out with Samantha.  In addition, Samantha got tired of me being on punishment all the time.  Eventually she moved on to other friends who were allowed the same liberal lifestyle as she was.

3. Meet the Parents

One of two things is going to happen when you meet your kid’s new bestie: either the parents won’t be around (physically or mentally) or the parent’s are going to be pissed too. If the parents are physically, mentally or emotionally available you know that your course of action must be more diligent.  If the parent’s are pissed at Samantha just like you are, you can work with them to create a course of action.  In my case Samantha’s parents were not available.  So, my mom had to step her game up.

4. Control their Socialization

Now this idea wasn’t my mom’s idea, but my real best friend’s mom had this one on lock. She would force my real bestie to have a ‘get together’ instead of going out.  (You can use any excuse for that, i.e. it’s not safe, the roads are bad, etc.) By making the environment at your home best friend-friendly, you can spy on your kid and even create some opportunities where you can find out more about what going on with your kid and with Samantha.

Remember, at the end of the day she is a kid, just like your kid.

Something is going on inside of her that is making her lash out.  Allowing your child to host a get-together gives her superior planning skills and gives her the opportunity to pick and chose the friends she wants around.  And, if you play your cards right either Samantha’s invitation will be revoked or reformed.

So mamas, what are you doing to ensure your kid is surrounded by friends who are good for her and to her?

Cynthia Mendoza

Hello. Welcome to BrownMamas.com a blog for Black moms looking to thrive while raising kids in this hectic world and the headquarters for Pittsburgh Brown Mamas, a Pittsburgh support group for Black moms. Here I write about raising my three boys, living in and loving Pittsburgh, dating my husband, gardening and all kinds of other stuff. Thanks for visiting. Stay long & come often!

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