This morning I woke up to a broken refrigerator.  In addition to being pissed that I had to transport all of my food from the upstairs fridge to the downstairs fridge, I was also in a state of panic and had a clear view of the relationship problems this would cause. First, I’d tell my husband it was broke.  Then we’d have to unexpectedly take money out of our savings to buy a new fridge. This means financial frustration.  That will lead to tension in our household and BOOM! Relationship problems begin.  Your getting on my nerves because we ain’t got no money and so on, and so on.  Ya’ll know how it goes.

So, rather than playing the damsel in distress this time around, I decided not to tell him.

A few weeks ago I had a problem in my bathroom and before I could call my husband my dad told me to try to think of a solution first.  He told me to begin with the end in mind, anticipating the problems that would have a ripple effect on our daily homelife.  So I did!


I got on YouTube and looked up a solution and would do you know, I found one.  I got my blow dryer out and melted all the ice off of the fridge’s evaporator fan and it worked! I still had time to take the kids out to play.  My hubby only knew the fridge was broken because he opened it and there was no food inside.  But, there was no problem to solve.

Now it won’t always be this way.  Sometimes there will be problems you must put your heads together on.  But, both mates should try their best to find a solution before laying the problem in each others’ laps.  The same goes for husbands.  If you know there’s a problem in the home that is going to ruffle your wife’s feathers, come to her with a solution before she has an opportunity to complain.

Oftentimes the problem with Black relationships is that we suffer from complaining fatigue because both spouses are ill-equipped in wife/husband relations.  Have you ever been through a period where there seems to be relationship problems everyday?  I have.

By giving the solution first, it makes the problem receiver feel more at ease and makes them more likely to want to fix the problem.  More importantly, it lets them know that you care about the time and effort they’ll have to put in to fix the problem.

So, are you a problem spouse or a solution spouse? What do you do to stop complaining fatigue from entering your relationship?

Categories: CouplingTop

Cynthia Mendoza

Hello. Welcome to a blog for Black moms looking to thrive while raising kids in this hectic world and the headquarters for Pittsburgh Brown Mamas, a Pittsburgh support group for Black moms. Here I write about raising my three boys, living in and loving Pittsburgh, dating my husband, gardening and all kinds of other stuff. Thanks for visiting. Stay long & come often!

1 thought on “Are you a Problem Wife or a Solution Wife?”

Nichole . October 6, 2016 at 12:05 pm

I too try not to be a problematic complaining wife. When I see that there are problems I first try to solve them, then I let my husband know, without being nagging, condescending, or aggressive about matters. I like to call them gentle reminders lol! It’s good to see posts like this because it helps to keep my actions and responses to things on my radar. That way, I’m proactive about most things and can handle them appropriately! Thanks Muffy!

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