So the argument is over.  You realize it really wasn’t that big of a deal in the first place, but both of you are waiting for one another to make the first step forward.  I know.  I’ve been there.  As much as you want to get back to the normalcy of hugs, kisses and slaps on the butt you just don’t want to go out like a chump.  Well, the bad news is you kind of have too.  The good news is you can do it in a cool kinda way.

Here are 4 ways to end an argument with your spouse.

1. Ask: “How was your day?”

This will get your significant other every time.  Mostly because you’ve made it all about them.  Everyone loves a little stroke of the ego and asking your husband how his day was helps put the ball back in his court to start conversation.  Inquiring about your lovers day is also a great segway into a conversation about the real reason you were arguing.  One tip, don’t do it when you both are just getting home from work. You can even wait until you are in the bed together.  That way it turns into pillow talk rather than a shouting match.

couple-cooking-pf2. Location is everything.

Easy.  If you’re in the kitchen ask him to taste something for you.  Or, if you’re in the living room turn on a movie you know he can’t resist.  (For me its anything that begins with Real Housewives)  Assuming your home is equal opportunity, using your surroundings to break the ice puts you both in neutral territory.  Both of you feel a responsibility to keep optimum normalcy in the home.  For that reason, its no big deal to share the couch to watch a movie.  If you’re smart, hold his hand while you’re watching the show.  This can act as an “I’m sorry” or just a “hey, let’s move on.”

3. Do IT

That’s right.  They call it make-up sex.  I call it physical reconciliation. If it’s been a long argument your spouse will welcome the gesture.  While making love won’t cure the cause of the argument, it will help you to get pass the anger and aggression.

4. Ask for help

Especially for men, an act of helplessness signals a need a for help.  When good men see their women in distress they want to help.  This puts the man in a position of being wanted, and his male instinct to rescue will likely alleviate his thoughts about a petty argument. So, if you’re in the midst of a day-old argument ask him to dig a hole for a plant, screw off the lid to a jar of spaghetti sauce or fix the rings on the shower curtain.  It should work.

Mamas, how are you getting over arguments with your spouse?

Raising Boys

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Muffy MendozaAuthor posts

Muffy Mendoza is an author, speaker and founder of Pittsburgh Brown Mamas, a support group for nearly 4,000 African-American moms in the Pittsburgh region. To further fill the void Muffy has created a line of educational products focused on helping Black moms be the best moms, too. Her first book, The Brown Mama Mindset: A Blueprint for Black Moms on Life, Love & Home, was featured at the 2018 Essence Festival and is currently sold in various cities across the U.S. Muffy champions the beauty of Black motherhood everywhere she goes, even on the TEDx stage. Find out more about Muffy on

1 Comment

  • Jack Robinson

    This article is pretty good to read. Excellent!! Many thanks for sharing, I would like to post it on my LinkedIn to share to my families?

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