1. Keep Each Other Sharp

While I do agree that men are better at mowing grass and taking out the garbage, I also believe that any job a man can do, a woman should also be able to do.  A big part of keeping your marriage together and sharp (meaning its fresh, challenging and progressive) is that you are both able to outdo each other on any task.  It’s not about competition as much as it’s about keeping each other on task and constantly solidifying your need for one another.  Everyone wants to feel needed and wanted in a relationship.  So, outdo each other constantly.

Couple in retail store.2. Get Down for a Cause

A common cause can save a marriage.  When two people are joined together for a deeper and wider commitment outside of themselves, that aim can be the difference between divorce and divorce is not an option.  When couples find a common cause, whether it’s opening a business together, home-schooling your kids or cleaning up your neighborhood, the principles, aspirations and like-mindedness that you both share in building that  dream can be the super glue that binds the two of you.   When a couple is able to rally behind a common cause and achieve goals together, it gives the relationship stamina and proves the value of its complimentary.

3. Understand that Authority is about Servitude

If you break down the word ‘authority’ the root word is author.  That means that the authority (the man) of the household literally narrates what the main idea of, whom the essential characters are, and what the scene and setting will feel like in his home. So, while wifey may be the one picking out paint colors and buying printed towels to upgrade the home, hubby needs to be, at least, a willing participant and listening ear.  If hubby decides to turn a blind eye, he can’t get mad when the house ends up with pink pillows in the living room.  When our men are lacking in their understanding that their authority is actually a form of servitude toward the relationship and family, tension can build. While hubby may be pressing upon his wife the expectation of submission, she may often be forced to author the reality of the household.

 A man’s authority in marriage is ultimately about his job as the servant of the Creator and of his family.  Your wife should not have to tell you the dirty clothes need sorted in the basement.  If you walk pass the clothes and they are in a heap, fix them.  A man who truly runs his home is not waiting on his wife to do anything.  He knows his place as servant, and therefore author, of his household.

4. Get in your Me-Time

meditate_brownmamasJust because your hearts have joined in marriage, doesn’t mean your hips are joined in life.  Each person in the relationship needs to have things they like to do in order to maintain balanced energy in the relationship.  Ladies, we cannot make it our husband’s job to make us happy.  If he likes to watch the game with friends on Sunday, as long as it’s not every Sunday, let him have his time.  You need to find something to do.  Sign up for a class, hang out with your girls, or make that your special movie day with the kids.  Whatever you both do, allow time apart to miss one another’s presence.  During these brief separations you will learn what characteristics and ideas you possess to compliment your mate and enhance the relationship.

5. Do Spiritual Activities Together

Whether it’s praying, reading a certain book or meditating, you should be doing it together at some point. That doesn’t mean every time you go to bow your head hubby needs to be holding your hand.  But, if you’re focusing on a certain book, or Bible passage, for the month hubby should in some way participate.  Have discussions together.  Enjoy a Sunday walk as a family and talk about the beauty of creation.  If the two of you want to pass on the joy of God’s creation to your children, they must see you enjoying  it together.

What do you mamas think?  In what ways are you complimenting the personality of your mate?

Cynthia Mendoza

Hello. Welcome to BrownMamas.com a blog for Black moms looking to thrive while raising kids in this hectic world and the headquarters for Pittsburgh Brown Mamas, a Pittsburgh support group for Black moms. Here I write about raising my three boys, living in and loving Pittsburgh, dating my husband, gardening and all kinds of other stuff. Thanks for visiting. Stay long & come often!

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